2008 - New Beginnings

2008 has been labeled the "Year of New Beginnings" by several sources that I have found. 2007 was supposed to be a year of "completion" and I found that to be true. Many things came to a close. SO I am excited about the new year.

ONE of the things that I am most excited about is that "darn" cruise! hahahaha FINALLY we can see it about to happen. FINALLY we can all meet up. What is interesting is the fact that things have changed so much. It was all about celebration & the "KK CLUB". I really feel like NOW it will be about "closure" and encouragement and recommitment to a healthier lifestyle.

SO THERE YOU ARE -- things to look forward to. Forgetting those things which are behind and pressing forward.... ;)

A YEAR OF NEW BEGINNINGS!

Where do you go after Camelot?

Went to "Biggest Loser" ... they wanted money to join. Been there, done that.

Went to "My Daily Plate" ... they wanted money to join. Not gonna do it.

I've paid hundreds and thousands of dollars on weight loss. I cannot justify paying more money. I am through paying for "friends". Kimmer ruined me on that one. I'm still bitter. I miss my friends. I miss the excitement. I miss the confidence and the joy and the fun. I looked forward to entering my journal/diary; I looked forward to seeing how everyone else was doing; I loved getting to know other people from across the country (and across the ocean). It is gone. I hope that Heidi Diaz is stopped and has to reap what she has sown. She has NO CLUE how her deception has hurt others.

I feel lost. I'm slowly gaining. I grasping at every weight loss thought and wondering what diet plan I can "recycle" and get back into gear. I am once again spending way to many brain cells thinking about food & diet. My size 8's no longer fit. I'm back into the 10's. AND there isn't anything larger so if I can't do something I'm going to be in trouble. Everyday is a struggle to get up and get out the door. Everyday is a challenge to face the world, while inside I am feeling like a failure and so out of control.

I'm waiting for the next thing. I am stumbling in the dark looking for the switch to turn the light on. I know the room, but it's been rearranged.

High Impact, Low Maintenance?

... or HIGH Maintenance and LOW impact?

I want to be a person who can influence and help others rather than always needing someone to "stroke" me and validate me... thus the HIGH impact, LOW maintenance.

It is the seemingly insignificant things that we do that can often have the biggest impact on others. But these things only take a FRACTION of a moment in time.

... a kind word
... a hug
... a phone call

Today, my insignificant thing that had a big impact on my day was some kind words from an "on-line" friend. Thanks friend.

A Lonely Life Lost

Richard took his life.

This morning I called my sister and she told me the news. Richard was a friend of my nephew. He was supposed to be my nephew's best man at his recent wedding but Richard couldn't make it because he didn't have transporation.

Richard's mom died from cancer 2 months before he started college. Richard's dad was out of the picture almost immediately. Richard never told anyone. He would show pictures and say, "That's my mom." but he never mentioned that she was gone. Richard struggled in college. Richard got a job as a driver, but he had an accident and the lady sued him for damaging her car. He owed money that he couldn't pay. He had no car & now no job. He took a second job to try and pay the debt, but when an angry customer didn't like the product they had purchased they took it out on Richard with loud anger. His new boss sent him home early.

Richard bought 2 pizzas on his way home from work and ate them for his last meal. He then walked to the graveyard, wrapped his arms around his mother's headstone, and took his life. He wanted his mom.

I weep for Richard.
I pray for those left behind who are buried in guilt.
I'm calling my children to let them know how valuable they are to me!

Richard's Myspace and his farewell post.
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=2893141

I'm not the only one

I'm not the only one feeling like my previous post. I must say that I am feeling a little better. I'm forcing myself to push ahead. I am forcing myself to overcome. I CAN to all things through Christ, who strengthens me.

If you are suffering from emotional pain caused by the kimkins scandal, please know that you are not alone. Please writing and keep trying and keep searching and keep believing that you CAN become what is in your heart to become.

To my online friends, you mean a great deal to me and have been there for me with GREAT online support. Thanks... and let's all forget those things that are behind and press toward the mark for the high calling .... in Christ Jesus.

Emotional Damages from Kimkins

I'm still fractured. I'm still in pieces. I'm still trying to find my way.

I'm fighting to find my way and to get back on a plan... a plan that will work for me. I HATE the contant cravings. I HATE that my first thought in the morning and my last thought at night is about food. HATE it. I fell like kimkins has left me with my metabolism really screwed up, my blood sugar all confused, and my mind in a fog.

I'm trying to formulate a plan, but I don't want to post it because I don't want to risk criticism or at the worst, failure.

There has been a lot of talk about the health risks that KIMKINS will cause (has caused) but that has not been my issue. MY ISSUE IS THE EMOTIONAL RIP inside. I am bouncing up and down with depression and fear and anxiety. Will I gain it back? will I make it? Can I find my way?

In a nutshell, my mom died... I gained up to my biggest ... I dieted and fell and lost and fell and seemed to make NO progress ... then I "did" kimkins. I lost quickly and I thought about how proud my mom would be. My victory was wrapped up in the fact that my mom would have been so proud of me. This is the deep part inside that I didn't discuss with everyone. Yes I did it for "me", but deep down and more importantly for me, my mom.

I'm not as interested about the health concerns (YES these are huge concerns, but I am talking about MY experience and since I did not have any health problems I am addressing another issue). My whole problem has been the emotional upheaval. I was lied to... I was decieved ... I am embarrased that I recommended this to other people. I am ashamed that I would "correct" other people who said, "That doesn't sound to healthy."

I feel....
scared
sad
depressed

I don't want to get up in the mornings (eat? don't eat? cream in my coffee?)
I don't want to clean up and put on makeup. (Is it any use?)
I don't want to get dressed. (Will my shirt button? will my clothes fit?)
I don't want to go outside my door. (Will others see that I am gaining ... again?)

Everything feels upside down and there is only one thing that I can do.

KEEP TRYING

I must find the road again. But I am so TIRED of thinking about diet / food / eating / losing / gaining / kimkins / heidi / tippy / diet diet diet.

blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

HERE IS THE GOOD NEWS.... I am not going to give up. Ever.

Now THAT is something that mom would be proud of.

FROM ANOTHER "COMMENT"....

You might need to copy and paste the links to view them:

*********************************************************

KTLA News Exclusive! Internet Diet Scam Exposed!

http://ktla.trb.com/news/local/

Here's a link directly to the video:

http://tinyurl.com/2sd5hx

Here are the Private Investigator's notes!!!

http://tinyurl.com/2vs4p7

Here's the transcript from the broadcast:

http://www.lowcarbfriends.com/bbs/9295713-post166.html

Perhaps the folks at Woman's World and People Magazine would like to know about the added publicity they will be receiving now?

Let them know!

Woman's World Editor ~ DearWW@aol.com

People Magazine Editor ~ editor@people.com
************************************************************

VIDEO, INTERVIEWS, AND ANSWERED PRAYERS

HERE IS THE REAL PROOF. LISTEN TO HER VOICE WHEN SHE SPEAKS. THIS IS THE SAME VOICE FROM JIMMY'S INTERVIEW. THIS IS TO BE A SERIES WITH ANOTHER STORY TONIGHT.


KTLA TV expose

Memories of my Mom

I dont' know why my thoughts are flooded with memories of my mother this week. She died in April of 2005. I miss her. This morning I posted on my challenge board:

I was with my mom when she went into hospice. I carried my keyboard into the room. Before they put her in a medically induced coma (great regret) ... I would play and sing. She was very restless until I started singing. She would get so still and smile. It was a very nice memory. When she took her last breath I quickly looked up and waved and said, "Bye mom.". I wonder if she saw me as she floated above the room headed towards the light and into the arms of her Savior? ... you betcha. Great peace filled the room.

There are all kinds of issues in this life. We grow and learn and seek and fall and get back up ... and we keep going. IN THE BIG PICTURE, some things are not worth fretting over. In the HUGE realm of things, there is only one question that all of us will be asked. Did we know Jesus as our Savior?

I hope that the dangerous parts of kimkins are corrected. I hope that they are making changes for the better for their members. I pray that no one has any permanent dangers from following the diet. But more than that, I pray that Heidi Diaz, Delany, and TippyToes find and display honesty and integrity in ALL that they do. I pray that what is done in "darkness" will be revealed by the "Light". I pray that truth will be revealed and that those people who are called by God's Name will have discernment as they are seeking a way to get the weight off and get healthy.

Twisted Excuses to fit the need

Posted at : http://kimkinsdangers.blogspot.com/

This is a quote from TippyToes post at the kimkins website. This is only part of the post. Click on the above link for the entire post.

***************************************************
"We have also removed the cruise info. We have decided that a cruise would present a safety hazzard for Kimkins members as well as staff. However, rest assured we have some new gathering ideas in the works for next year. What we have in mind will be better and will geer (Hazzard?)(Geer?) more in tuned with Kimkins diets than an all you can eat fest cruise. I have cruised many times and it is not possible in my opinion to not gain some weight. So we are making positive changes in this area as well." (What really happened here is that Regandy decided to continue planning the cruise but BREAK all ties with Kimkins! Regandy asked for the cruise info to be removed, KK didn't decide to remove it!)"

********************************************************
I didn't save my posts at kimkins. I don't have kimmer's posts where she praised the cruise. I didn't think I would have to defend the cruise.

1. "Safety Hazzard"? -- From who? From what? That doesn't make sense to me. What are they trying to accuse me of? Are they trying to sensationalize and create fear?

2. "all you can eat fest cruise" -- This was addressed several times in the cruise threads, that are probably not there anymore. Kimmer had mentioned in one of the replies that it was about enjoying ourselves and that we could get back on plan when we got back. We also discussed "portion control" that is served in the dining room AND we all talked about staying away from ONE place -- the 24 hour pizza parlor. Tippy just got back from a cruise. She should know first hand that there are LOTS of things to do other than "eat".

3. "impossible to not gain weight" -- On my last cruise I gained 5 pounds. The week that I got back I lost that 5 AND 4 more pounds ... Yep, you might possibly gain weight. Is anyone afraid that you might not be able to get back on the diet and lose it? Is anyone afraid to practice "maintenance"? To me this is just another excuse.

Yep, this was a good idea as long as it was "kimkins". NOW all of the sudden it is a bad idea? Sometimes it is just better to let something fade out than to make up a thin story and present concocted excuses. I wish that I had copies of those posts where Kimmer was all for the cruise.

You know what? It hasn't changed my plans.

BUT it is just more EVIDENCE of the deception. They are doing the exact thing that they used to accuse others of doing.

Sour grapes.

Schizophrenic Diet?

My business is now finished with kimkins. The cruise money has been returned in full.

There have been several of us who have discussed the "transition" away from the very unsafe practices of the kimkins diet. We can't help thinking though that there might be a little bit of truth in the heap of deceit that is at kimkins. We are starting a group to try and make the mental transition to adding healthy fats to our diet. The "truth" ... the only truth, perhaps ... is the food list. Those foods eaten in healthy quantities are healthful. I guess you could say it wasn't so much the "form" of the diet but rather the "methods" being practiced. It was the old "less" is more... the less you ate the more you could lose. DUH? .... but at a great expense.

But there is the constant nagging fear of over eating again and gaining. It seems odd to me that this feeling is so strong... stronger than with any other diet I have ever tried. Usually when I got off a diet I didn't care what I ate... I was just off the diet! This has been different. I have to fight my urges to "starve", skip meals, fast, and deny myself. It's as if my mind is thinking that it is either all or nothing at all. I've got to find the middle ground where I am eating enough nutrients AND still losing the weight.

It can get very confusing. Weight Watchers is eating the "correct" variety of foods all the time. The Weigh Down Workshop diet is to eat only when hungry, which could be once per day. Slim Fast is 2 shakes and a healthy dinner. Weight Loss Surgery causes you to eat small quantities. Low Carb is eat as much fat, but keep carbohydrates low. Argh.. I feel like a diet schizophrenic.

I'm not giving up. I'm not quitting. I will see 135 pounds. I will settle and maintain that weight because it is perfect for my heighth and age. It's coming.

Kimmer wants honesty up front

I said that I wanted nothing "private" when it comes to Kimmer/Kimkins/Heidi. I don't want anything springing up later that could be misconstrued in any way.

I sent a reply to Kimmer via email which only contained a link to this blog.

Here is her response (the other "Becky" is referring to Littlebit):

No need to be snippy Becky. I know you and Becky have an alliance and the private school connection. No problem to me. I would have just preferred honesty upfront, that's all.I wish you well. :)

Honesty up front? Hmmmm ... Can anyone interpret that for me? Anyone? Anyone?

Kimmer, I wanna be free

You sent me an email and commented: "After the PMs you send me which pretty much said the opposite of what you're posting at Jimmy's, I'm kind of scratching my head about it."

Here is the reason that my early PM's to don't exactly match my posts on recent lowcarb threads. In the beginning I still believed it was a plot. In the beginning I just couldn't believe that it could all be a lie. I still wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt.

As the days and weeks have passed, more pieces of the puzzle are put together and the picture is now clear. You didn't tell the truth. AND you think that I didn't tell you the truth? (concerning my PM's and my posts matching)

YES, I admit, in the beginning my PM's were still believing in you. As I saw more and more things exposed, I began to be careful about what I wrote... as you wrote in the email, " There's no need to "plan your exit carefully", you could have left at any time. You explained to me your reason for leaving, although you don't need a reason at all. Kimkins isn't a prison."

Since you had lied about the photos and the weight loss and the foster children, does that not EXPLAIN why I was "careful"? There were some very good friends at kimkins that I didn't want to lose touch with. There were some people depending on me concerning the cruise. When I give my word I will do everything that I can to keep my word.

Of course my PM's don't match my posts.... I got wiser. I saw more proof from MORE than one source.

Which brings me to the last point. MONEY. You sent me $1,500 to pay for 4 admin tickets for the cruise. I sent you $1,000 of that back through paypal (and I have the receipt). I owe you $500. Here is the deal. NOT pretty, but honest. SINCE the payment wasn't due until October, I used the money on purchases (cruise trinkets - $100) knowing that I would have the money when the next payment was due. I HAD NO IDEA that things would change so rapidly and that the money would become an issue. I have told you that I would send it back to you, and I will. I do not expect you to pay for anything connected to the cruise. In the email you mentioned that "Any monies we advanced to you for the Kimkins Cruise should be returned. Please send any receipts/paperwork to Heidi Diaz, 529 N. McKinley #104-309, Corona, CA 92879. Any unreturned cash advance must be reported as personal income per IRS regulations." Please look for a paypal deposit by my next paycheck on the 1st.

I'm not hiding. I want my contacts to be public, that is why I am putting my reply here. I don't want there to be ANY questions concerning my answers.

I want to be free.

MY Kimmer truth....

I lost quickly as long as I didn't eat. My favorite saying was to 'drink' more than I ate (bouillion, shakes, water, etc). BECAUSE when I ate I couldn't stay away from the "fat". I couldn't do without the cream in my coffee. I fought myself over it for a long time until I gave in and re-interpreted the "just enough fat" to be 45+ grams. I guess most would say that saved my "health". Secretly? hmm.... this is hard. Secretly I wondered if this was what people with Eating Disorders went through... that it was never enough. Secretly I wondered how in the world I was ever going to get into "maintenance". I guess I sort of knew somewhere inside that it just wasn't going to last.

So now I am back on regular Atkins.

But there are still lingering questions.
.......... Why does she lie?
.......... What is it going to take to stop her?
.......... Why did she do with all that money?
.......... How long had she planned this scam OR did it just fall into her lap?
.......... Does she have parents? Are they aware of her actions?
.......... IF everyone knows where she lives now, how come no one has started picketing outside her apartment?
.......... NOW that everyone has her address, how come more people haven't taken more pictures?
.......... Will I ever be as gullible again? ... or as trusting?

AND MY BIGGEST QUESTION: WHO IN THE WORLD IS THAT WOMAN IN THE RED DRESS???!?!?!?!?

I mentioned to someone that Kimkins is like the LOTTERY for the obese. They scrape together all the change that they can in hopes of buying the winning ticket even at the expense of their family ... and their own health. I watch the poorest of people forgo paying bills or buying groceries in order to buy a ticket. They all want a "position" or "comfort" or "recognition".

I have wanted to quit thinking about it. I want to just leave it all alone. But I can't. It haunts me. I think about what all I have done.. everything that I have posted. Did I contribute to it? You bet I did. I never gave solid, direct advice, but I did encourage others to continue with their bad ways. I remember trying to "validate" kimmer because, bless her heart, she took such abuse from LCF. I bragged that "I" had known her since 2001 (might have been early 2002, thinking back). I thought that somehow giving her "roots" -- false roots, nonetheless -- would somehow make it better. I thought about the day that I could say that "I knew her when..."

I gave the web address to so many people. I spread her name among everyone I came in contact with. I even have a couple of friends still there... and I cannot get in touch with them.

Then there is the issue that I dropped LCF and a few friends there because they weren't "with the program". AND then there is the issue of feeling angry at Jimmy Moore for his "about face" not understanding that he was one of the "good guys" as far as seeing through her. I apologize.

It was the most interesting time... for 8 months of my life. Wow, not even a whole year. Seems like longer.

I'm sad that it had to end. I am sad that it wasn't true.

I'm glad that I am not ill. I worry about my metabolism but I know that can be repaired with time. I am thankful to have met some good solid people there.

And I can't help but think that things happen for a reason. There is no "coincidence" -- "All things work together for good to them that love God and are the called according to His purpose." ... ALL things, even this.

Concerning the Kimkins Cruise

Dear Cruising Friends,

SOME of you are aware of the controversy surrounding “kimkins, kimmer, Heidi Diaz” and some of you are NOT. I had sent an earlier letter, but I want everyone to be clear concerning the cruise… once and for all. There are plenty of “blogs” out there to find information on the controversy with just a little searching. I don’t care to read them anymore. It took me a little bit of time, but I’m no longer stressing over it all. I’ve moved on.

The cruise is NOT a “kimkins” cruise. Kimkins was where it was posted because that was my support group (but I was careful to call it Regandy's Cruise and post a disclaimer on the kimkins website). I asked if I could post it in case there were others who would like to go. It grew from there. Several issues have arisen since that time that has prompted me to disassociate the cruise with “kimkins” totally. There are threats of possible lawsuits against her and many questions concerning her identity (leading to questions of integrity). Although I have personally never had any problems, there seems to be many people who have. As I see it, in 5 or 10 years there may not be a “kimkins” BUT, God willing, I will still be living with “me”. I have moved on. I have joined a couple of different diet support groups. I only go to the kimkins website to check personal messages or answer cruise questions.

I was a little surprised when the cruise was published in the last Kimkins Newsletter. There was a misunderstanding between Heidi and me concerning it. I have since emailed her and she has agreed to take the web page down.

At this writing there are still 58 people signed up for the cruise. I have created a topic in a forum at http://www.lowcarbdiscussion.com/ for us to be able to log on and discuss the cruise. Check it out! We can still get to know each other and we can still enjoy our vacation! This can get us back to looking forward again! http://www.lowcarbdiscussion.com/index.php?act=ST&f=12&t=1053

I want EVERYONE to be clear that this is supposed to be an inexpensive and fun gathering of friends and family. There will not be any public conversations or arguments concerning the issue. As far as I know there are no Kimkins admins going (with the exception of one who has contacted me and is totally aware of the situation. She just wants to have a good vacation and meet her friends.)

Many of you have asked about Christin and Deni. They are still signed up for the cruise and are still planning on going. I have found those two young ladies to be very transparent and open. They are strong in their faith and want this to be a time of friendship, fun, and perhaps a little “healing”. There is to be NO controversy in the ocean! Hahaha AND there have been some new folks at other low carb websites that are looking into being able to join us also.

I would ask that you PLEASE email me and let me know if you are still planning on going OR join me at the cruise thread. IF you have changed your mind, you can still get a 100% refund by December 11, 2007.

Thanks,
Becky

p.s. The website I mentioned is totally free. Please forward this to your cabin-mate

... and then there is this. http://winningweight.blogspot.com/ ... the entire story in 4 pages. It is a LONG blog but very informative.

I'm meeting some lowcarb friends this coming weekend.. face to face ... in the flesh. We are real people and we have lost real weight.

It's about the support.

AND integrity, honesty, & apologies.

Good people do that.

Start Over Every Day

I read a post where someone was really down on themselves for starting over... and starting over ... and starting over. They said that they didn't want to be "one of those people" who is always starting over. It got me thinking about how I have lost over 70 lbs.

I start over every day.Every day is a NEW opportunity. Every day is another clean slate. Every day! I have NOT been perfect with this way of eating... HEY I HAVEN'T BEEN PERFECT AT LIFE EITHER!! But I'm still living.. and I'm still trying.

I have binged. I have stalled. I have whined. I have pushed. I have cheered. I have cried. I have jumped for joy.I have had some awesome perfect days. I have had some "squeaky" barely get by days. I've had some REBELLIOUS days! hahahaI AM NOT ASHAMED TO ADMIT THAT I HAVE STARTED TOTALLY OVER MORE TIMES THAN I CAN COUNT ON BOTH HANDS.

That is the key. I REFUSE to give up. I REFUSE to think about what I did yesterday or last weekend. I try very hard to keep looking forward.AND....The "weak" days are getting fewer and fewer AND ... farther and farther between them.

Would you beat your child for not walking perfectly within the first months of learning how to take their first step? Would you use as harsh a language with a beginner "reader" as you would for yourself for not doing it perfectly? Would you toss out your child for not brushing their teeth because you have told them at least a dozen times what to do? I THINK NOT!

Give yourself a break!!!If you struggle with "perfection" -- determine to be ONE OF "THOSE" PEOPLE ....... start over every morning. I love a new day!

New day = new chance to get it right.

This is from my online journal at kimkins -- this was DAY ONE -- scared, apprehensive but very hopeful! ahhhh memories!:

THIS MAY BE THE FIRST DAY OF THIS JOURNAL BUT IT IS CERTAINLY NOT MY FIRST DAY AT DIETING... OR LOW CARBING. This is my year, I can feel it.

Today is Monday. This first day of my work week. I guess in my first thread I need to give some background. I grew up hearing "If you could just lose 5 (or 10, 20 etc.) pounds you could be so pretty ... etc" I heard it so much that I could hear it in my head even when my mother wasn't speaking it. She never meant anything ugly by it, but she wasn't aware of the affect it had on me. NEVER quite good enough, never quite there, never quite perfect, etc etc. My short 5 foot frame showed every curve.

Here is the condensed version: graduated hs at 17 (115 lbs); married at 18 (130); pregnant at 19 (180 tops); mother at 20 (150); divorced at 21 (170); years of single craziness (180); remarried 4 years later (185); had second child (200); 2 years later had gastric stapling (225); ....watch this : divorce (125 - had lost 100 lbs); over next 5-6 years slowly gained (185); *opened my own business - a bakery (190); mom and bakery business partner died of cancer (225) ..... back to square one (and sold business).

*In 2002 I began looking into low carbing; even offered lowcarb baked goods at my store. I have done it all! hahahaha. bars/no bars, processed meats / clean meats, high fat/low fat, etc. (NOT to mention the hundreds of diets I've tried) BUT one thing that I tried that worked every single time was a thing called "meat and egg" hmmmm.

Now this is it. 2007 is my year. I am turning 50. If not now, when? I watched my mother become an "old woman" after she turned 50 - bad eating, weight struggles, no exercise, depression. I don't want to repeat that pattern. Something just "clicked" this year. There is a determination like I have NEVER experienced before. I am walking on the treadmill twice a day for 2 miles a day. I am enjoying "controlling" my food, as opposed to letting my emotions dictate the bad "comfort" choices for me. I choose. I pick. I decide. wow... empowerment.AND I feel so good. I have so much energy. :o

So.... bringing me up to today. I have my 33 oz bottle of water on my desk. I have my chicken breast thawing for lunch. I did my mile on the treadmill this morning. My clothes are loose. (my feet are cccold! - infact, I have been cold almost all weekend ... sigh ... losing my "layers" ;D ) Time to get to work and give the boss his due.

I have 5 more weeks to reach my first goal of 175, which will be that 50 pounds before I'm 50!!

Egg Salad -- PERFECT food!

The reason I eat so much egg salad is because it is VERY easy to just boil up a bunch of eggs and grab 3 out of the fridge before heading off to work. It is an EASY lunch... or quick grab. BUT WARNING!!! STINKY FOOD!!! I usually light a candle in the office kitchen before I start making it... otherwise the co-workers are coming out of their offices asking, "What's that smeeellll??!?!?! ewwww?!?!" .... sissies! They must not have raised boys... there are worse smells!

MY EGG SALAD
1 whole egg, 2 egg whites
1 TBS Lite Mayo (not Salad Dressing... I'm a "mayo" purist)
1 TBS mustard
1 TBS of chopped dill pickle
dash of pepper & salt

and sometimes instead of dill pickle...1 TBS Picante Sauce (sometimes... optional)

and sometimes instead of lite mayo...1 TBS Light Done Right Ranch Dressing

My Pacifier

I've been bouncing up and down with my weight at my own "choosing" (eating off plan, out of town trips, etc). I've been serious now for the past couple of weeks and finally saw 149 flash briefly for a day... now, as usual, I will bounce up and down for 2 days until the next whoosh. I was elated to see 149... but also sort of frustrated that I ALWAYS bounce up and down for a few days before it goes down and stays.

Anyway.... it is SO true that it takes LESS FOOD when you weigh less. That has taken some adjusting for me. I'm not satisfied with 6 shrimp.... I want 2 dozen!! (LOVE shrimp). BUT that "satisfaction" is MENTAL... not physical. My body has it's fuel, buy my emotions want attention too! Isn't that interesting? One of the "tricks" that I have been doing.... that I never did before.... is making my beverage part of the "dining experience". I noticed in Kimmer's fitday journal that she always listed some sort of flavored beverage with her meals. My drink was always just an afterthought so I wouldn't choke if I was wolfing the food down too quickly. NOW... I plan the beverage just like I would the rest of the meals. That is something that I can keep sipping on and that fills me the rest of the way up. ( I guess it is sort of like the "pacifier" for the baby when the baby has already finished the bottle and wants to keep sucking! hahahahaha ... there it is! That's where it all came from! hehehehee)

One goal (of many) -- DRINK MORE THAN YOU EAT.

Favorite beverages:
1. Hazelnut & Cinnamon Latte
2. Designer Whey Chocolate Protein Frozen Blender Shake (meal replacement)
3. Crystal Light Grape Drink OR Lemonade
4. Diet Dr. Pepper with a splash of half & half
5. Diet Rootbeer Blender shake with a scoop of Vanilla Protein powder
6. Water with Lime
7. Peppermint Herbal Tea (iced)

Needs a hug

I am so down today. Lots of reasons -- kids, husband, new job, stress, sleeplessness, headache, bad weather. I'm trying to take very deep breaths and get some oxygen going. I'm trying to focus on some good postivie things. I'm trying to let myself know that this will pass. Just wish there was someone to hold me and just love me for a few minutes. IF I believed in biorithms I would say they are low today. I know that I am just extremely tired and need rest... lots of rest.

I miss my mom.

The big question -- How long did it take you?

This way of eating that I have chosen has a lot of "rabbits"... people/newbies that are losing fast and want to know how long it has taken everyone. I've been there... I was curious too. BUT I learned that more than that, there was some serious issues and "layers" to get through. so here is my answer:

It has taken me a life time to lose the weight! It took me that long to get serious. It started in earnest when I turned 40, but it was Kimmer who helped me realize the dream -- 50 pounds before I turned 50! (March of 07). My first memories of weight were when I was in 5th and 6th grade and it was "If you just lost that baby fat you would really be cute." Weight & diets have been a part of every aspect of my life.

First blog

First post. First experience. I've had a lot of "firsts" this year. Not bad for an old woman!

The reason for this blog? Because I have lost 75 pounds and I'm staring maintenance in the face and I want to record every wonderful moment of it. Because I have things to say. Because all the greatest people on the planet kept journals. Because life is good and worth looking at and remembering the milestones.