MY Kimmer truth....

I lost quickly as long as I didn't eat. My favorite saying was to 'drink' more than I ate (bouillion, shakes, water, etc). BECAUSE when I ate I couldn't stay away from the "fat". I couldn't do without the cream in my coffee. I fought myself over it for a long time until I gave in and re-interpreted the "just enough fat" to be 45+ grams. I guess most would say that saved my "health". Secretly? hmm.... this is hard. Secretly I wondered if this was what people with Eating Disorders went through... that it was never enough. Secretly I wondered how in the world I was ever going to get into "maintenance". I guess I sort of knew somewhere inside that it just wasn't going to last.

So now I am back on regular Atkins.

But there are still lingering questions.
.......... Why does she lie?
.......... What is it going to take to stop her?
.......... Why did she do with all that money?
.......... How long had she planned this scam OR did it just fall into her lap?
.......... Does she have parents? Are they aware of her actions?
.......... IF everyone knows where she lives now, how come no one has started picketing outside her apartment?
.......... NOW that everyone has her address, how come more people haven't taken more pictures?
.......... Will I ever be as gullible again? ... or as trusting?

AND MY BIGGEST QUESTION: WHO IN THE WORLD IS THAT WOMAN IN THE RED DRESS???!?!?!?!?

I mentioned to someone that Kimkins is like the LOTTERY for the obese. They scrape together all the change that they can in hopes of buying the winning ticket even at the expense of their family ... and their own health. I watch the poorest of people forgo paying bills or buying groceries in order to buy a ticket. They all want a "position" or "comfort" or "recognition".

I have wanted to quit thinking about it. I want to just leave it all alone. But I can't. It haunts me. I think about what all I have done.. everything that I have posted. Did I contribute to it? You bet I did. I never gave solid, direct advice, but I did encourage others to continue with their bad ways. I remember trying to "validate" kimmer because, bless her heart, she took such abuse from LCF. I bragged that "I" had known her since 2001 (might have been early 2002, thinking back). I thought that somehow giving her "roots" -- false roots, nonetheless -- would somehow make it better. I thought about the day that I could say that "I knew her when..."

I gave the web address to so many people. I spread her name among everyone I came in contact with. I even have a couple of friends still there... and I cannot get in touch with them.

Then there is the issue that I dropped LCF and a few friends there because they weren't "with the program". AND then there is the issue of feeling angry at Jimmy Moore for his "about face" not understanding that he was one of the "good guys" as far as seeing through her. I apologize.

It was the most interesting time... for 8 months of my life. Wow, not even a whole year. Seems like longer.

I'm sad that it had to end. I am sad that it wasn't true.

I'm glad that I am not ill. I worry about my metabolism but I know that can be repaired with time. I am thankful to have met some good solid people there.

And I can't help but think that things happen for a reason. There is no "coincidence" -- "All things work together for good to them that love God and are the called according to His purpose." ... ALL things, even this.