High Impact, Low Maintenance?

... or HIGH Maintenance and LOW impact?

I want to be a person who can influence and help others rather than always needing someone to "stroke" me and validate me... thus the HIGH impact, LOW maintenance.

It is the seemingly insignificant things that we do that can often have the biggest impact on others. But these things only take a FRACTION of a moment in time.

... a kind word
... a hug
... a phone call

Today, my insignificant thing that had a big impact on my day was some kind words from an "on-line" friend. Thanks friend.

A Lonely Life Lost

Richard took his life.

This morning I called my sister and she told me the news. Richard was a friend of my nephew. He was supposed to be my nephew's best man at his recent wedding but Richard couldn't make it because he didn't have transporation.

Richard's mom died from cancer 2 months before he started college. Richard's dad was out of the picture almost immediately. Richard never told anyone. He would show pictures and say, "That's my mom." but he never mentioned that she was gone. Richard struggled in college. Richard got a job as a driver, but he had an accident and the lady sued him for damaging her car. He owed money that he couldn't pay. He had no car & now no job. He took a second job to try and pay the debt, but when an angry customer didn't like the product they had purchased they took it out on Richard with loud anger. His new boss sent him home early.

Richard bought 2 pizzas on his way home from work and ate them for his last meal. He then walked to the graveyard, wrapped his arms around his mother's headstone, and took his life. He wanted his mom.

I weep for Richard.
I pray for those left behind who are buried in guilt.
I'm calling my children to let them know how valuable they are to me!

Richard's Myspace and his farewell post.
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=2893141

I'm not the only one

I'm not the only one feeling like my previous post. I must say that I am feeling a little better. I'm forcing myself to push ahead. I am forcing myself to overcome. I CAN to all things through Christ, who strengthens me.

If you are suffering from emotional pain caused by the kimkins scandal, please know that you are not alone. Please writing and keep trying and keep searching and keep believing that you CAN become what is in your heart to become.

To my online friends, you mean a great deal to me and have been there for me with GREAT online support. Thanks... and let's all forget those things that are behind and press toward the mark for the high calling .... in Christ Jesus.

Emotional Damages from Kimkins

I'm still fractured. I'm still in pieces. I'm still trying to find my way.

I'm fighting to find my way and to get back on a plan... a plan that will work for me. I HATE the contant cravings. I HATE that my first thought in the morning and my last thought at night is about food. HATE it. I fell like kimkins has left me with my metabolism really screwed up, my blood sugar all confused, and my mind in a fog.

I'm trying to formulate a plan, but I don't want to post it because I don't want to risk criticism or at the worst, failure.

There has been a lot of talk about the health risks that KIMKINS will cause (has caused) but that has not been my issue. MY ISSUE IS THE EMOTIONAL RIP inside. I am bouncing up and down with depression and fear and anxiety. Will I gain it back? will I make it? Can I find my way?

In a nutshell, my mom died... I gained up to my biggest ... I dieted and fell and lost and fell and seemed to make NO progress ... then I "did" kimkins. I lost quickly and I thought about how proud my mom would be. My victory was wrapped up in the fact that my mom would have been so proud of me. This is the deep part inside that I didn't discuss with everyone. Yes I did it for "me", but deep down and more importantly for me, my mom.

I'm not as interested about the health concerns (YES these are huge concerns, but I am talking about MY experience and since I did not have any health problems I am addressing another issue). My whole problem has been the emotional upheaval. I was lied to... I was decieved ... I am embarrased that I recommended this to other people. I am ashamed that I would "correct" other people who said, "That doesn't sound to healthy."

I feel....
scared
sad
depressed

I don't want to get up in the mornings (eat? don't eat? cream in my coffee?)
I don't want to clean up and put on makeup. (Is it any use?)
I don't want to get dressed. (Will my shirt button? will my clothes fit?)
I don't want to go outside my door. (Will others see that I am gaining ... again?)

Everything feels upside down and there is only one thing that I can do.

KEEP TRYING

I must find the road again. But I am so TIRED of thinking about diet / food / eating / losing / gaining / kimkins / heidi / tippy / diet diet diet.

blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

HERE IS THE GOOD NEWS.... I am not going to give up. Ever.

Now THAT is something that mom would be proud of.