Better, Better, Best -- 2010

Well, the thyroid meds are working.

Have I lost a bunch of weight? No

BUT... I just feel different now. I quit gaining, which is fantastic. It is a horrible feeling to be dieting and GAINING weight. That is one of the ways that I know the meds are working is because I have quit gaining.

Actually I have started losing again -- slowly, but losing feels much better.

I have changed doctors (because of insurance) and I had a little struggle trying to convince the new doctor that I was on a good routine and that it was working. He was very skeptical, but agreed to keep up the meds. I am supposed to go back in February for a follow-up. I think that he will be pleasantly surprised.

With the "physical obstacles" dealt with, it is time to move on to the next phase -- EXERCISE.

I probably hate exercising MORE than the average person. I never had brothers to compete with. I never was involved in any physical activity -- except baton twirling! :D I hated gym class with a passion - which prompted me to sign up to work in the office instead (this was allowed back then). Hate it hate it hate it. I even dislike watching it on TV.

So... at my age, the only ONLY thing that affects the metabolism as much as needed is EXERCISE. I like dancing - especially clog dancing, but I do not have the time to devote to it. I am already paying for a gym membership that I am not using (Isn't everyone? -- or at least ALMOST everyone?)

So last week I made a decision to bite the bullet and try to incorporate it into my life. It will be a necessary evil. It will be like a huge horse pill or hypodermic shot I have to take daily. It will be like smashing my face into a brick wall every day. ugh. It brings up every bit of fear & rebellion within me.

EXERCISE is everything I hate/abhor/fear -- competition, body image, and routine.

Gee... sounds like I'm ready, doesn't it?

I don't know how I am going to do it. I don't know how long I can choke down the fear and feeling of inferiority, age, body image, etc.. but I packed my gym back this morning.

It is in my car and ready for me to drive from work to the gym.

And I will be there with the millions who have made their resolutions. UGH -- I hate that! I do not like to be typical. It makes me want to rebel. hahaha I supposed I will have to look forward to plugging in my headphones, blocking out the rest of the world, and just do it...

for me.